Questions of An Alcoholic

They say one drink wears off in an hour But what if it's a fishbowl whiskey sour You were supposed to share, but chose to devour They say a glass of wine is good for your heart What size is a glass, is there a chart Does it count if you have 6 beers before you start I've heard that tea is full of antioxidants Does the name "Long Island" make a difference Tell me now so I can prepare my defense I'm sure you've heard that you shouldn't drink alone But what if your talking on the phone Or your dog, Charlie, is always at home I think all of this is just too much math Perhaps I'll take my crown royal to the bath I'll contemplate the consequences with a laugh I won't drink the whole bottle, only half I'll record my intake later, complete with a graph