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Putting You On Hold

For customer services please now press one for other assistance press two we value your custom and thank you for waiting you're currently held in a queue. Thank you for holding, our agents are busy they'll get to you as soon as they can, in the meantime you can start to spring clean your house or go bake a cake or a flan. Thank you for holding (that's if you're still with us) our agents will deal with your trouble, please don't rub your chin on the telephone mouthpiece you're starting to grow bits of stubble. Thank you for holding and don't grind your teeth please try and remain fairly calm, We know that you're listening for the thirty-ninth time to a piano concerto by Brahms. Thank you for holding, our staff are still busy but value the custom from you, our call centre system's currently showing you're now eighty-fifth in the queue. Thank you for holding, the centre's now closed our working day's nine until five, please phone during these ours and our agents will help you- assuming that you're still alive.

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Bethany St John

Date: 4/10/2015 5:47:00 PM

This one had me chuckling. A very accurate and humorous portrayal of those lovely recorded messages. Great write!

Viv Wigley
Date: 4/10/2015 11:54:00 PM

Thanks bethany- if we didn't laugh, we'd cry. Viv x

Elizabeth Wyler

Date: 3/26/2015 7:20:00 PM

Great job expressing the frustration we all feel with unresponsive customer service automated menus.

Viv Wigley
Date: 3/27/2015 2:19:00 AM

Your comment will be answered shortly- you're currently eleventh in the queue :)

Funom Makama

Date: 3/26/2015 12:12:00 PM

This is a well thought piece, showcasing the tender make up of your soul and the immense creativity, so rich in your mind. I so love this and thanks a lot for sharing..

Viv Wigley
Date: 3/27/2015 2:19:00 AM

Thanks, Funom. Regards, Viv

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 3/14/2015 5:42:00 PM

G'day Viv... Your poem can only be humorous if the content is happening to someone else. I found myself shouting at a recorded message recently. Perhaps you could send this enjoyable poem to companies that use this method of communication. Thank you Viv - Lindsay

Viv Wigley
Date: 3/15/2015 2:22:00 AM

Thanks Lindsay, we should start a campaign for real telephone receptionists. I keep a packed lunch by my phone for such instances as this. Window left ajar for bathroom breaks :)

Jan Allison

Date: 3/14/2015 7:50:00 AM

Oh I hate those phone messages - they do not placate me just irritate - oh and the music Brahms lullaby -t send you to sleep as you are waiting so long or Greensleeves arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh - fabulous humour a 7 from me :-) Hugs Jan xx

Jan Allison
Date: 3/15/2015 5:45:00 AM

grrrrrr lol! :-) Hugs Jan xxx

Viv Wigley
Date: 3/15/2015 2:23:00 AM

Viv isn't here right now. To leave a message, press one. x