Pure Intentions

how many times have i pretended to have plans? had to design an excuse to get out of the house. when i say i'm with friends i really mean i'm with buds, and im smoking enough for an army. yet the hours pass alone and i drive til i see the sun rising on east coast suburbia. listening to the mixed tape he made me, and all i can think about is the teenage romance found in the backseat of my first car. we spent so many hours tied in knots, it's hard to believe those feelings ever faded. and i almost called you the other night. i drove by your mom's old house and hoped that the demons in your family were suffocated long ago. i wanted you next to me but i know you haven't though of me in years. i'm cruising alone and there is no one to blame but myself. i drive through salem and i stone myself hoping to reach the witches or the dead poets that float above my head. please try to remember me in the cobblestone streets of your midnight retreat because i remember you always. if i were to call you up, would you still play the game of who loves who most? everything was so different when we were all growing up and growing into who we never knew we could be. the ghosts of our future tried to warn us of the muderous distance that would melt what was supposed to link us for life. the innocence was so real, it's hard to imagine that we ever had pure intentions. but everything white will develop a stain. sometimes it's a quick splash of coffee, sometimes it's the nervous sweat that gathers on the back of your neck when i get too close. you can bleach the memories until they tear like an old sweater, but you'll never forget the warmth it brought because you've never looked better than when i was clinging to your shoulders. back then it was all so black and white. there was no getting high, there was only love. but we aren't the same two people that once promised our lives to each other. it's easy to move on when your brain is clouded with smoke, but what happens when the smoke clears and all i can see is still you? when i'm sober and alone, who will i still need? when my gas light turns on and the heat stops working... will you be there as i've always imagined? or will i be alone and cold as i've always anticipated?