Prelude To the Insanity

The love has faded away. All time and effort expelled into this living farce of a marriage was for nothing. Random bitter thoughts just float through my mind, The one who I thought was my everything Has mutated into a strange beast with severe neglectful ways. A total stranger who I lay next to, dazed and confused. Nothing to be said. No tender touches or looks. A rapture of nothingness with mundane repetisous rhythms and with no fluctuations to the beat of every day. Even to look at him is foreign to me now. The youthful cute looks have faded into early middle age as the waist has expanded from too much drink. No light in his eyes when his meet mine. No spark, no dance, no joy. No recognition of what was and of what was promised. So tired of trying to hold onto a legacy of broken promises and let downs. So tired of just trying. Need to find an escape from all this sadness. Somewhere to let go and find my youth and joy again. Close friends rallying for me to find me once composed and fun loving self. I question if it's possible. If he has left anything behind of myself when he sucked my dreams, my hopes, and my self esteem out. Doubtful thoughts a constant in my day to day existence. Really not knowing what the future holds but still holding out. Can't even waste my precious breath on this one anymore. Just gonna do me and that's that. That's the decision before insanity enters with his sister, ignorant bliss.