Pondering the Same Old Entry

The facial expression I wear; it gives nothing away says nothing to no one except the mirror only to scream 'HELP ME' There's no doubt that I've been this way before I only thought I closed the door not pessimistic, just melancholy yet so optimistic Things are complicated, so complicated could it be that I am clueless it's part of the million haunting reasons but the world decided to give me its weighted issues and let my shoulders do the rest though it leaves my only two greatest friends and family in peril yet when push comes to shove intangible I return ready for a fight and in my mind, I always ponder the same old entry Will the world ever accept me for the real me I feel as if it may once I erase my clueless title then on the other hand, maybe I deserve it I've constantly placed irresponsibly the ones I care for in danger I'm the never ending punchline of a school housed joke I'm at the bottom of the food chain And the only one who deems me as somebody important has a reserved spot in the ejecter chair for my reckless rejection infatuation with someone who loves the part of me I try to keep secret I've always wanted to be someone other than this I've always wanted something more than this even though I've complained before, it was all fake I have no complaints just a few mistakes that I wish I could erase How could I be the hero when I'm just the zero how many times does my story have to repeat and fall back on me I've tried playing hero before, just being my real self but denying the part of me that makes me who I am all my seasons before I leave sealed wit a miss The last one ripping me apart just leaving me a single kiss on the cheek I was the blue rose she wanted until I turn intangible and the rose withered away but it gave way to my real feelings don't remember when I noticed could've been the day her eyes captivated me at our first high school dance my final season has ended, sealed with a memorable kiss the whole world knows my identities my name in both senses I just changed my last name so someone would notice something different nobody has except for one I love every minute I've spent with her and under her clouds of black, I know I'm her warmth I could say I don't love her but I'd be lying to everyone including myself