It wasn't so long ago, that my new wife and I
had to find a place to live which we could call "Home".
We found an ideal place on the northwest side of our city,
easy transportation, good neighbors, and plenty of room.
When we decided to take the place, we knew it would be
the bright, airy, comfortable, and loving home we wanted
to make for ourselves. Of course, there was work to be done
before we could move in. Painting, carpets, and choice of
furniture would occupy us for many weeks.
I don't know if every newlywed couple is as happy as we
were. Our love was enhanced by the work on that apartment,
turning its rooms from bare walls and floors into livable
spaces where we could be alone with each other. We would even
have friends or relatives over - it made no difference in our
relationship...it was home.
Every relationship has its share of woes, and that apartment
became a solitary point in our lives. My idea of a career did not
jive with my wife's, as she so often pointed out. I don't believe
it was the career, but the fact that I was trying to be someone I
wasn't, work with a company that I did not really know, and do
something that was inherently destructive to our marriage.
I wanted to prove to her that she could be proud of me by providing
for her the riches I felt she deserved. My quest for the golden ring
only tarnished the ones we wore on our hands. I was just too naive to
think that I was wrong. I should have taken a step back and trusted
the partner to whom I had pledged my love. By the time I came to my
senses, it was too late. I had driven her away by my callousness.
Now, as I stand in this empty apartment, only the memories remain.
The laughter of that first dinner alone...her face in the candlelight, yet
I see it only in the darkened corner of the room.
There were the nights of love and affection in the bedroom...now only
shadows of the sweet passions left in the wake of her despair at
my leaving her alone to face the mornings.
Our living area was our pride and joy with the furniture we had so
carefully chosen, the carpet of jade green, and the love seat where
we watched our favorite programs...now, just a window to the soul
mate I should have been.
The apartment stands empty again, waiting for another young couple
to make it their own. It was ours for a while, but now belongs only to
that place in my mind where I hide my personal treasures. I loved her
then...I love her still. Home no longer, but in my memory.