Paranoid

The thought of you leaving me scares me day after day It haunts me and kills me in my dreams at night, when I am alone inside of my head and no one can pull my hand towards them to save me Every morning I wake up, and I picture you doing the same in your own room, just a block away Stretching and yawning, so you fingertips are straightened out and extending towards the pale, white color of your bedroom ceiling that I know so well And I can hear the voice inside of your head whispering to you while you are still half asleep and naïve to your conscience It speaks out to you and tells you about me while it wraps its thread of doubt around your brain Twisting and tangling itself into the depths of your soul Your eyes will be opened up by the hand reaching out from inside of you And from them I fear that you will be exposed to all of the faults that others find in me All of my flaws and imperfections will be laid out waiting to be held under your inspection Row after row on an endless table with a rough, wooden surface that causes splinters The object in your grasp will now be my confidence rather than my shaking hand, that is only still when I am with you Because once I did not know what love was, and neither did you I taught you, and you taught me And I have loved you in every way that I have ever known So if this rarity of my existence is lost and thrown away I will end up the same As you quicken your pace in the direction of the sun I will crawl towards an unknown darkness You will run Far, far, far Away from us and the memories we have made While I am here where you left me In a void that can only be filled by you The love that I can no longer have will take hold of me It will grab my throat with its clammy hands and strangle me Suffocate me Until I fall from lack of air and land in a pile of heartbreak and ruins And I hope that one day you will find me here with tear stains on my cheeks and fingerprints on my neck I hope that on that day you will cry and hurt and bleed over me and what you have done I hope that you will love me again for all that is left of me Or right now, on this day, and every day that comes You will learn to love me for who I am Or I will learn to leave you (and it is hard to leave you, trust me)