Padded Room

My sanity has become a nightmare. I feel as I am wondering around lost from all this clutter in my head. My feelings hold me as a straight jacket as my life becomes a padded room. The numbness drugs me so I feel nothing. When you stare at me with pain stricken eyes, I feel nothing. I don’t even sink. You think I am heartless. No I am a earthquake, ready to shake any moment. So with each breathe and day, I push the overwhelming emotions back into my padded room. Each doctor’s visit, I show no concern or surprise. Every glance of your eyes tell me you loathe me , as I sit here quietly. They think I am offensive because I never say anything, while you cry with pain. No one sees the fear inside of me, it mocks my control. These days I fight it like a knight slaving too many demons. One crack and all composure will be destroy. I long to lock myself away in my room away from the world and cry. If I do this, I won’t be able to build back up this wall. That I hide my pain and concern. It’s for better or worse. And I chose to have better, so I don’t cry when I hold your hand at night. I ignore the insanity of this situation, choosing to make our world brighter. I won’t listen to you welcome death over life, because of the pain. Instead I yell at you to stop being selfish. Maybe everyone think’s I am cruel, but I fight with you to hold on. I didn’t give up everything to watch our future slip away. Maybe we won’t have forever, but I just want today.