Only Knew

2/13/23 A fu**** up past Always past fu**** up It's just me and a cup damn Still can't put down the damn cup I am truly sad How i've been living is sad truly I can't smile away problems It's been difficult to put these problems away I've always had an open heart But the world, including woman cut my heart open If you only knew But you don't care or give opportunity so I knew only It was not too much to ask Considering I didn't ask much You won't even give me hugs You want nothing to do with me not to hug me Typical that a lot assume Meaning you assume a lot With people you look at the cover then judge as books Yet let's look at it differently, do books judge? I have a drinking problem A severe problem drinking I can't stop myself Only briefly myself stopped I guess I'm not helping What I have been doing is helping not Can you help me? It'll take an army not a meek attempt to offer me help Every night I just about black out It all becomes blank in my mind then goes black Wake up with no memory of how I went to sleep Often terribly is how my sleep went I've been too foolish All of it I was foolish too But then I quickly changed Amazing how I changed quickly Once I reached clarity It began changing after there was clarity reached I made differences My impact caused there to be differences made I had to be the change So that there was any change to be For myself, what good it did Even after I did good At the end of day Just alone like always when the day ends I guess I'll smoke and drink Then drink and smoke Like I always do This cycle continues on as I do always Waking up hungover often Still performing exceptionally well, even when often hungover I had to put differences aside For the better good, I was able to put aside differences To this day, little if any found love Zero true love found This one hurts hearts Like mine all these hearts hurt All these toxic traits still tolerated To this day being tolerated still Organisms not mistake-free, they're always fallible Meaning they'll be fallible always It's just not a perfect world Meaning it's beautiful and ugly yet just not a world that's perfect There can be no such thing Or concept nor possibility for a thing as such