On the Naming of a Child

On the naming of a child Certain protocols should be followed by the registrar Protocol one If the chosen name is Rainbow or Honey dew Then firstly the parents should be slapped And given a book containing sensible names This process should be repeated until a sensible choice is made Protocol Two If the chosen name is Chardonnay or Champagne Then firstly the parents should be slapped And a large group of people should be assembled to laugh at them The parents should then be given a dictionary To look up the definitions of the names that they chose This process should also be repeated until a sensible choice is made Protocol Three If the chosen name is Moonflower or Gallifrey Then firstly the parents should be slapped And the child should be immediately taken into care Then the parents should be put in the stocks So sensible people can throw rotten fruit at them Before finally being committed to an institution PS – Should it ever be deemed that they have been cured They should be sterilised before release And their names entered on the pretentious parents register PPS - Anyone from Cardiff, The Wirral, Norfolk, Suffolk or Essex will inevitably Name the child after a piece of fruit, a place they have visited The name of their favourite car or a product from a supermarket As a result these people should not be trusted to name their children. Registrars must name the children for them In the same way that Hurricanes and tropical storms are named If they complain go straight to Protocol three