October 13th

Wake up a little earlier; another troubled night But the remnants of pre-birthday make-up still do their job remarkably Smile for the camera; these pictures are keepers, so realistically modelled for Thank yous for unthoughtful offerings; why hurt feelings after all? A dozen friends all come along; it's not their scene but they want to please me Can't look over there, have to be the last to go through the door They're trying so hard, all their love gathering on my windowsill Some cards handmade with heartfelt affection, gifts so vague and cliched, more roses than I could care for And your dusty eyes still staring through them all from behind the frame Complete the scene as my headstone Couldn't have slept at all Excitedly imagining what you were planning Warm in your jacket you gave me to sleep in Wouldn't lift or lower my foolish head Jitters looking forward to you Flash could've gone off but we wouldn't notice Shroud me with your words, promises you could not keep All the guests combined; a less than you companion I wonder why we couldn't make it through? And I'd never had to say goodbye 'til the day that I met you All that I'd got for we pushed them all out And I didn't miss them. Didn't miss them. Why are you still asking after me? How do you still reach into my eyes Before I turn away? What happened to let us get like this and tell me When can it end? How is it I want it to stay? Though there's a soft spot for you in my heart and you're Slowly seeping out Frozen as this face remains Breaking when I'm forced to recall I'm 18 and you're not here But she passed on your message for me Happy Birthday. And in those obligated words it all crashes back I'll keep all our secrets and ignore all the rest The world we made and left to decay Keeps me smiling for every wasted day.