New Becoming

You’re gone, well that’s okay But where do I place my longing of habits that intertwined with yours and your belongings My dependency for you drags Sweating, suffocating I wish you’d stayed, but really it was a blessing you went away Yes we loved, we fought, and we reconciled so many times I used to count the days of victory and peace between one feud and another What killed me the most were the stifling silences Eventually I would slug my way towards sending you a shout and resume our words “I’m sorry” It was always me who said this I called it unconditional love Cliched and desperate That was I The truth is I thought I didn’t know me, without you in it You had to let go So I could let myself in again I couldn’t allow myself to love you anymore If I had forgotten how to love myself You really wanted to love me and left silently I carried on holding the pain with a loud farewell I only saw the power you had left me one day in silence To love was a decision to change Towards me healing And finally let go of this destructive feeling My shift didn’t appear from sweet brightness There was a dark and arid shoving Many truths to bear So much unlearning Facing my fragility Battling my devils My self-made perils Until the memories eventually began to lull Softly giving room for my new becoming