Narcissistic Sister

You are a narcissist and a gas lighter although you claim that you’re not, can’t you see inside, the decay of your soul? The turmoil, all of the rot I guess that you can’t because you’re in admiration of yourself, the person who is perfect and could care less for anyone else You really and truly believe that the world spins and revolves around you, that everything including time would stop if you told it to You have no empathy for anyone, you have no idea what that word even means, to you if it doesn’t pertain to you, then “It doesn’t affect me.” You believe that you’re entitled to everything that you desire, and when you don’t get your way like a petulant child, heads will roll, and you’ll set the world on fire In your fantasy land that you choose to live inside of, all adores you, and no one has ever been more loved There you are the queen, and everyone bows down to you, but oh, dear sister if you could only see the cold and bitter truth That it is you that is envious of everyone else and deems that they should feel the same for you, what is sad is that you know I’m right, but you will never admit the truth It’s like you get enjoyment out of bringing others down, if you can make them cry that is the biggest of highs, especially if there are witnesses, if someone is around You’re a bully, an antagonist, the epitome of mean, and you wonder why you feel like you do, and those feelings eat at you in your sleep? Oh, you are manipulative, abusive, and raring to fight, the littlest inconsistency can set you off and you know I’m right! It’s sad to say this and to admit that it’s true, but I was and still am your first victim and I am still surviving you You’re my sister, you’re supposed to guide me on my way, to teach me how to fight, not be the one to belittle me and cause me so much strife All of my life I have looked up to you and wanted nothing more for you than to have your every heart’s desire, and the narcissistic side of you oh, knowing that just fuels your fire See I am the younger one, the sensitive one, the one with the kind heart, and you’re the older, wiser sister, the one that believes she is so smart! I always wished to be like you but now I see so clearly what I couldn’t see before, you’re not the sister I thought I had, you’re evil, you’re so much more Growing up we weren’t that close because of our difference in age, but I always wanted to be like you when I grew up someday At times we were close, not as close as two sisters should be, but I took what I was given, I tried to be there for you in the way I wanted for you to be But every time I tried to be good to you it got turned around, a fight would ensue, and I was the one being drug down You loved to stand above someone, you wanted so much to fight, we grew up in the same household so where did you collect all of this anger from, this evil, this plight? I am now a grown woman but to you I’m still the smaller fish in your big pond, and oh, how you love to toy with me and dangle me from your hook as I struggle to hold on I am not your enemy although it seems as though that is who you make me out to be, and the sad part is that I have done nothing to you but love you, what do you want from me I have given you my time, I have prayed for you, I have listened to you cry, I have always been there for you I have talked you through your struggles, I have wiped away your tears, and what do I get in return? A sister that because of her I fear You treat me like I’m your best friend when it’s just you and I, but when other people come into the equation, you belittle me, and I just wonder why You scream at me, you threaten me, you want for me to fight, and when I just stand my ground and walk away that eats you up alive I have no need for violence, no need for negativity, that is why I walked away and cut you lose from my life, I can’t take that grief I don’t deserve to be abused in any sort of way, and just because your life isn’t what you thought it would be that isn’t my fault, okay The gaslighting it ends here, sadly our relationship as well, I will never hate you or dislike you, but I have to look out for myself I wish you nothing but the best for the rest of your life, although you claim that I am the miserable one and that everyone hates me, hell, you’ve made me question if you’re right I have never been so hurt, so torn up, so broken in two, by someone’s words so cruel, I never knew what a tongue could do You have made me feel worthless questioning myself if I’m alright, you have spoken ill of my family and sister you know that isn’t right You have made me question my own sanity, you really, truly have, you have told me that I’m the crazy one, all the while you’re the one driving me mad You tell me that I live in Lala land, and I hear nothing that you say, all because I can’t comprehend your mindset, but that’s okay If I stand up for myself or in any way lash out back at you, then you get this look in your eye as though you could tear me in two I know that you could, believe me I have seen you fight, but sister I am your victim no more, as this is and will always be your own internal fight.