My Painful Disguise

My Painful Disguise Every other night, When I look into my eyes, I see a sad sight, Cause my heart is in a screaming plight. All my life, I’ve walked a thin line, I wish it went fine, But all in all not many have been kind. Whenever things seem to be alright, I begin to fall and then I die, As it happens every time, I wonder have I committed some crime. Then I put on an actresses mask, And pray the pain disappears fast, As it gets harder to act, I know the fake joy won’t last. My heart is covered in black lace, And its quickly losing it’s pace, While the noise gets louder in this place, I notice tears running down my face. As I look around, My ice cold soul pounds, When no happiness can be found, I faster than lightening slam into the ground. Every time I hit the ground, There’s this deafening sound, The more I crash it gets even more loud, I wonder if someday it will make me drowned. Deep down inside, I wonder if I’ll ever shine, Then I get these negative vibes, That dig like a thousand knives. I continue to wonder if this life is a joke, Because years ago no one heard me when I spoke, When my emotions inside broke, No one cared so I began to choke. As time passes the hurt grows even more, So I begin searching for an open door. My eyes must be poor, Because I can’t find even one door, Even when I’m around other people, I feel like I’m in an empty room. Because my heart continues to haunt me ghostlike, And over my head it looms, When the world seems bright, I still feel haunted by this gloom. I wonder in my heart and mind frightened, Is there going to be more doom. My life seems to be in slow motion, Even through all this horrifying commotion, I begin to crack and ignore my emotions, Suddenly my heart halts with no motion. Every other night, I search my fading eyes, And wonder why, I’ve given up my fight. I dream of escaping this pain, The way people escape the pouring rain, But the aching digs like needles in my veins, Everyday I fear I’ll quickly go insane. Every other day and night, I ask myself why, And what I did I do in my life, To have to live in such a painful disguise.