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My mother

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Below is the poem entitled My mother which was written by poet Michael Harman. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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My mother

she was an angry woman
not much love, 
she wouldnt put up with a man
abusing her, 
the mistake women made then,
prostitution for security,
selling your heart for money,
she regretted having me,
lost freedom,
tied down,
single mom, poor,
abused by the culture,
her love was shown
in that she didnt abandon us,
even though she was tempted,
her mother wasnt that strong,
my heart didnt value that,
i wanted to be wanted, loved.

I saw the other children, 
wanted, loved, rich,
my blinders on, 
rose coloured glasses,
envy, despair, no self esteem, 
worthlessness, less than human,

not expensive enough clothes,
not nice enough car,
"drop me off a block from school"
"I am not shopping at wal-mart"

something i didnt notice then
i have always been blessed with beauty
i never even saw the girls that adored me
too afraid, to poor, to stupid, 

If my mother didnt love me, how could another?
greedy, selfish women, angry, 
years of oppression, and taking it out on me,
the male, the enemy, "no love from mommy".

Now i pay the price for my fathers oppression.
the gay guys arent as wierd as i thought,
at least they are getting laid. 

The women i meet now, 
if i love them
i am not good enough for them
if i use them or tell them how pathetic they are,
they love me, addicted, cant leave. 

On occassion i love a weaker girl,
i see their potential,
usually sexually abused as a child,
they will leave, hate me, 
for my honesty, 
too afraid of love, of closeness,
get pregnant and leave or kill themself,
one or the other, such drama,
If a child wont end their suffering 
then death will. 

What did i do to deserve this?

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  1. Date: 11/30/2010 9:26:00 PM
    A chapter from my book of life... I love your openess and honesty. Lay

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 11:25:00 AM
    Let's heal each other, Michael. Please check your soup mail.

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 9:25:00 AM
    I do not write to evoke, compassion towards me, I am comfortable with my history, it has made me strong. I do appreciate the love you guys express, it is beautiful. My hope is to inspire others to write from their emotions. An example of brutal expression, an honesty. This type of work, i love. Also, i hope that i do/did not attack any of you, as i tend to shred people that write from the brain, only. It is my way of inspiring emotions, if there is no love, then hate is a good place to start.

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 8:39:00 AM
    Surely, you did nothing to deserve this, Michael. Not all mothers are blessed with loving, compassionate souls and it breaks my heart to hear of someone growing up being mistreated this way. But you seem to be a survivor and perhaps writing about this helps you to vent. This is a very compelling poem presenting a scenario that probably happens more than most of us realize...though surely you do. Excellent work. Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 8:26:00 AM
    Wow! This is a powerful poem. Mothers can really screw us up - I know too. Best of luck loving yourself enough to forgive her and move on with your life. Try affirmations like, "I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise," etc.

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 8:11:00 AM
    Dear Michael, don't waste any more time! Finish this. Get it all out so it will not hinder you any further! And you do all you can to be the opposite of what you saw as a child. Peace and love, Audrey

  1. Date: 1/9/2010 8:00:00 AM
    in depth free verse, Michael. A painful write that needs express to the surface. I admire you for mining it. A thing I have great difficulty in doing. -Robert