My Life

As I sit and look up to the sky I wonder why. Why do I go thru this pain Me a 9 year living life having fun but didn't kno my innocents was gon be taking away from someone who I thought I can trust. With his hands touching me all over all because hev wanted to feed his sinful needs. so I lived life as nothing ever happened n putting on a front like I'm fine but inside I'm torn I'm messed up. But I was taught to forgive so I did. One day u spoke to me n on august 30, 2003 I gave my life to you but u never told me It was gon be hard living a Christian life Me a girl who was chasing after u a p31 who has a purpose n a plan to do your will was gonna be tested. Is it because of Adam n eve sin or cuz of my careless actions of me knowing what do is right. I sit back an watch my life flash before my eyes as if I have a no care in the world thinking everything is a ok. Sins looking why more better now than before is it because this world coming to an end or is it much more. I fall into this trap of sin. Its so intoxicating. His lust becomes evident when his actions is telling me serenaded lies wanting to touching my god given body structure to me sitting there undressing him with my eyes thinking innapropruate thoughts all of this type of sin... The attention from the popular is what I need to fit in from the boys looking at me to the clothes with the half dressed looking like I'm going to the club to the shoes gotta have my shoe game up or im a lame i cant have that im popular remember Gossiping is what I do can't let them talk bout me that aint cool. Taking a puff of that blunt n drinking that liquor I must do to feel that buzz . So in order for me to fit in this is what I must do. this the life that everyone wants in order to be known. I remember in commandments you said EACH MUST SHOW RESPECT TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER but if I do that I will lose my cool points do u remember im popular n cool can't let them know im doing good things because I will be rejected. Knowing its tearing me down piece by piece n my pure heart will be constantly broken am i finding my self becoming that person who does the things I don't wanna do So one day i met this guy. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing but I didn't kno that. Life was great as so I thought. Nice dates kiss all day making me feel like a woman But all that change. Changed to were I will be hurt physically with his has destroying this body to mentally were im called dumb im nothing an slow I'm fat I'm ugly n emotionally to no one will ever love me. With the constant abuse I gotta stay cuz I....... I love him hes my first even tho he don't love me. Red lights was blinking real bright but Ignored all the signs because I was in love he was my first. One day a day I will never forget. His anger got the best of him so he took it out on me. So he takes his hands gripped my neck like he is squeezing a bottle its gettin tighter n tighter to where I can breathe i tell myself don't wanna die so Its been a while since I called out to Jesus but I do so say save me Lord please I don't wanna die I wanna see my gift please please lord save me for he knows not what he does. I remember that verse HE WHO GOD LOVES HE CHASININS an at that very moment his hands was on me... So I have a choice a to make do I continue to stay in torment or embrace my singleness n stand alone So i chose to stand alone in the midst of that sin a blessing came. A blessing that changed me to a different person not goin back to the way i used to go but they way you ordained for me to go. Yu said the road is narrow. So the flesh is at war with the spirit like a tug a war. Because you're daughter is coming back home