My Heart Is Hurting

Never say what you will never do. I said I would never date anyone from off line. And I would never date anyone from Arcadia. Now I have a man who I found online and he is from Arcadia. and I love him more than I have ever loved any man. Cant be nothing but love. We have been through so much in nine months. I promised myself I would never stay with anyone who hit me. Didn’t keep that promise either. What makes me stay? My love for him is that strong? What about his love for me? Would it make him hurt me that way? My heart is in so much pain. My heart never hurt this bad before. Just when I try to move on from it here comes another hit. And I never see them coming. And I start to question myself. What’s so bad about me that he would want to hit me? I work and I am home. I cook and I clean. I don’t hang out in the streets. I am not in the clubs every week. I don’t cheat on my man. How could he look at me and say I am going to hit her. Or I am going to grab you by your neck and slam you on the bed. Or I think I will knock your head against the wall. And I have the nerve to bring up marriage. I was so ready to leave. I guess when I really do get fed up with it I will. Just don’t want my kids to ever have to see that. Now this makes me question if he loves my kids. If he did he would never hurt their mother. At least that what he told me about that man who killed his wife. if he loved his kids he wouldn’t have killed his wife. I just want the pain to go away.