My Heart Hurts

My heart hurts By Dakota Cowan My heart hurts. My heart hurts in ways i can not put into words My mind weighs out every positive, to a negative. My heart hurts when I look in the mirror. Not because I do not like what I see. But because why I see it My heart hurts when I smell dinner creep up the stairs, because it smells amazing. But when it comes time to eat it, I'm not hungry. My heart hurts when I step onto the scale, not because I am overweight, but simply the fact eating has become a chore. A chore I put aside until my body physically needs it. The five numbers on the scale are rapidly decreasing, almost as fast as my happiness. 9 months ago, I had a goal weight that I knew I would be thrilled to be at. I would be satisfied. 9 months later I have passed that goal weight, and it simply just isn't enough. Working out was once a chore I hated to do, but its the only thing i can do to get my thoughts silent. I keep telling myself i am getting better, but the only thing i am getting better at is getting use to the numbness that controls my world.