My Feelings Have Feelings

My feelings feel feelings and each feeling has a different meaning. Some feelings have me deep in my feelings, my body will get quiet while my mind stays screaming. Other feelings will have me stressed and make me anxious, I’ll look like I have it together but in reality I don’t got this. Some days I’ll be feeling myself, like I’m on top of the world and I don’t need any help. My feelings feel what they want when they want and they give no warning, I’ll be happy and fine till the bad thoughts start forming. My mind is like a beehive and I can feel the thoughts swarming. My thoughts turn to feelings and I start to feel them, I take deep breaths and count to ten and when that doesn’t help I grab paper and a pen. I try to write down the feelings that I feel but sometimes they are so cluttered that I don’t know how to deal, I wish I was dreaming and the feelings that I’m feeling aren’t really real. My feelings make me shut down, I get caught in a pool of mixed emotions with a life jacket on trying not to drown. I feel feelings I can’t control, I can have a heart of gold and in the blink of an eye it will turn into coal. My random unwanted thoughts turn into random unwanted feelings, it’s like my mind and body be having secret meetings. I tell myself that it’s ok, that the mood swings aren’t here to stay and I’ll be head of my own thoughts and feelings...one day.