My Fears

I’m scared of the lies, I’m scared to give away my heart Cause it’s been broke before and torn apart I’m scared of the feelings that I’m feeling right now Cause I can’t be the perfect guy for her, I don’t know how But most of all I’m scared that I won’t be able to give her the best possible life The fear of never being good enough constantly eats me alive Every day I fight my insecurities But it gets harder when the enemy reminds you of all your impurities Look in the mirror and see nothing but a failure I ask myself why I’m alive if I’m letting down my savior It’s easy to fail by yourself because the only one who loses is you But when you have a family, you don’t know want to take risks in anything that you do People tell me I’m worth a lot, but I don’t know if it’s true I never valued myself and that’s probably why I think she can do better There’s a voice in my head that screams I’ll never end up with her I can live with that, as long as she ends up happy But I can’t live with myself if I never tell her what’s in my heart, even if it’s sappy Is it love when you do what you think is best, but end up hurting them instead I ask myself questions like this at night when I lie awake in my bed Deep into the night, the only thing that keeps me company is a negative thought But I want to be better, that’s something that I always sought Even if I can never have her, I’ll keep on growing, emotionally and spiritually I’m going to keep on fighting my inner demons and develop my mind, not just my body physically Her eyes are dazzling, her smile is breathtaking, and her heart is beautiful I can go on and on when I put pen to paper, but she’ll never hear it though At least not for now, because I’m still too insecure to tell her how I feel I want to lay the foundation as friends, because my feelings are too real There’s a lot of negative in my life and I hate myself every day I know that I made this bed, and in it I must lay But even though I have hatred and despair in me At the end of the day, I just want to make everyone happy I want to bring smiles to people’s faces, not tears This outlet is just another way for me to face my fears I want to build something I can be proud of, have something to invite her into A life where she can be free, and do anything that she wanted to do I would’ve never grown as much as I have if she was never nice to me Reaching out to a scared boy, alone in the dark, who couldn’t see Nervous in a new environment, and confused about what he was learning My feelings for her grew every day, and for her warmth I was yearning Thank you for just being who you are You don’t know how much you changed my life by far