My Battle

For so long now I have been battling this pain. At times I feel like it's about to drive me insane. The fun and freedom it has drained from my life. My mixed emotions now bring trouble and strife. Nights and days melt into one as I cant get a restful sleep. I self medicate with alcohol but this just ends up making me weep. But it does allow me to get just a little rest. I often wonder is this pain really all a test. Tablets I take over fifteen a day with little release. Doctors test time and time again but the pain doesn't cease. Years have gone by and this pain just gets worse. Will i ever find a remedy from this curse. I can no longer be physical with the one I love. And i start to wonder is the pain a punishment from above. Now the depression whirls thoughts round my head. And I start to think I would be better of dead. I'm losing the ability to function and often have to wear a pad. People look at me just making it through and think it cant be that bad. But they don't see what I see when I look in the mirror at night A broken version of me, for whom getting through each day is a fight. Friends and family try to empathise, but cant know what its really like for me. It gets so bad I sometimes think of the end knowing then from this pain I will be free. Can they ever really understand how i live, what its doing to me, can they see. I keep battling on knowing I have to stay strong, hope and positivity is the key. But I know my battle has to go on and one day from pain I will descend. Till then i battle on waiting for the day this pain comes to and end.