Musings of a Victim

Let's play a game, shall we? It's a fun little number I like to call "Do I miss you because I love you, or because you're my brain's scar tissue?" Let's review the facts, shall we? You're a spoiled NEET who took pleasure from my pain From making me bend over backwards And watching my free will vanish Like a parasite, you latch on to everyone Begging for gifts and food like a child Passive-aggressively plotting when you don't get your way And everyone gives in to get you to shut up By all accounts, you're a horrible person So tell me why, tell me why Why do you still haunt my dreams at night? Why does the thought of losing you still hurt me so? You're like heroin Because man, doing lines of you through the night Was the greatest high when the trip was fine And the comedown was so fierce So here I lay, sweating yet freezing Dope sick and hungover after the greatest afterparty Craving another hit to feel the ceiling again Gently gnawing on my twelfth step chip But you weren't always that way, you know The love we shared was once pure And each day was a blessing that I'd give so much to return to And I think that's the you that I miss But hey, that person died two years ago You wore her skin so well that I didn't realize That I still had a body to bury Before you skinned it and wore it More often than not, it's the pure memories I recall When I'm clutching my phone with my thumb above the send key And another withdrawal pang hits my temple And jolts my thumb to the clear key So where are you now? I can't imagine I'm in a much better place right now Eating my fourth cup of cup noodles tonight Poring over a broth stained essay It's comforting to share a pitiful existence with you Because in a weird way, I feel more connected with you than ever Sharing a loving, tender kiss across time and space As we both scoop the last shrimp from the bottom of the cup But each cup leads me closer to my dream As you stagnate at home Self-actualization is a difficult concept to measure But your NEET dream dies with the last of your savings The sun rises and the glare from the screen hits my eyes Another frosty December morning Through the sight of the rising sun and the scars you left behind For now at least, you and I are forever intertwined.