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Moving On

conspicuous in my dreams her absence

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Timothy Hicks

Date: 5/20/2016 10:21:00 AM

Ahhhh ... once again just 6 little words and yet, instant emotion. You are a humble wordsmith, that can bring out the hidden in the straightforward, and the beauty in the simple ... your poem was tangibly sad. One definition I've heard awhile back for haiku and senryu that I think is very accurate is this: "One breath ... the world" ... keep 'em coming, Paul.

Paul Callus
Date: 5/20/2016 4:37:00 PM

You are one of my favourite 'critics' Timothy:) I'm always left with this pleasant, satisfying feeling that you have read and savoured all the words; your feedback is witness to that! Thank you for both interest and support. Regards ~ paul

Funom Makama

Date: 5/20/2016 6:54:00 AM

Awesome and refreshing. A jaw breaking 7.

Paul Callus
Date: 5/20/2016 4:09:00 PM

Many thanks for the generous comments, Funom! ~ Regards // paul

Edlynn Nau

Date: 5/14/2016 2:35:00 PM

You got it in the ole nutshell! A7

Paul Callus
Date: 5/14/2016 2:50:00 PM

Thank you Edlynn! Now I'll have to get me a nutcracker:) ~ Have a lovely weekend! ~ Regards // paul

Red Fiery

Date: 5/13/2016 1:20:00 AM

that's the magic of your words...excellent and beautiful( supporting my friends opinion here : Funom and Teppo ) Hugs Red A7777777777777.......to be continued

Paul Callus
Date: 5/13/2016 12:03:00 PM

I bathe in your lovely comments and generosity, Red:) Thank you....hugs ~ paul

Funom Makama

Date: 5/12/2016 11:38:00 AM

Beautiful in the most unique way.. Loving this piece so much

Paul Callus
Date: 5/12/2016 12:01:00 PM

Your nice comments are appreciated, Funom...thank you. ~ Regards // paul

Eileen Manassian

Date: 5/8/2016 4:18:00 PM

This is a sad little piece, though beautifully written. It seems she has lost her place in the author's life. Great write, my dear. Hugs

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 4:27:00 PM

Spot on, Eileen, we're on the same wavelength:) Thank you for giving it the thumbs-up! hugs // paul

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/7/2016 6:30:00 PM

wow, that is a very profound little senryu. I love it. By the way, my hubbie got a new dog for us last year. He is now a year and a half old. Always wants my attention but I am always so busy . I would say for unconditional love, dogs are best, but I love my cat because she leaves me ALONE. haha

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 6:52:00 AM

I see from the comments below that these 3 lines have been interpreted in different ways; interesting how the mind works! ~ Enjoyed your cat & dog personal contribution:) // paul

Bl Devnath

Date: 5/7/2016 3:20:00 PM

Feeling of Xanadu with loved one in loneliness. Beautifully done my lovely friend. Loved always, bl

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 6:37:00 AM

Thank you for commenting and liking, BL. ~ All the best. // paul

Joseph May

Date: 5/7/2016 8:22:00 AM

This has power in its brevity...well written Paul...is it for Andrea's contest?...A7

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 6:35:00 AM

Glad you like it, Joseph. It wasn't written for the contest, but txs for drawing my attention to it...I entered with a haiku. ~ Regards // paul

Caycay Jennings

Date: 5/6/2016 11:06:00 PM

This has meaning for me. There have been times in my life when I realize I have not dreamed about so and so for a long time. Creative and moving ... CayCay

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 5:45:00 AM

Thank you for reading between the lines, CayCay. Glad you like it:) Regards // paul

Casarah Nance

Date: 5/6/2016 8:00:00 PM

:( there is still thoughts and reality, faded from one may come another. hugs xx

Paul Callus
Date: 5/8/2016 5:34:00 AM

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Casarah:) hugs // paul

John Hamilton

Date: 5/6/2016 7:17:00 PM

So much said so few words powerful write, be well!

Paul Callus
Date: 5/7/2016 8:56:00 AM

Thank you, John. I find that the older I get, I economize more with regards to words!! Regards // paul

Lin Lane

Date: 5/6/2016 6:45:00 PM

I've had those reality checks. Six words of loneliness and you've created a terrific senryu, Paul.

Paul Callus
Date: 5/7/2016 8:41:00 AM

Many thanks, Lin; I enjoyed your pleasant feedback, too...glad you liked! ~ Regards // paul

Barbara Gorelick

Date: 5/6/2016 5:47:00 PM

I love this, I love short forms, they say so much in so few words. Yours is excellent. BG

Paul Callus
Date: 5/7/2016 8:31:00 AM

I am pleased you liked it, Barbara...thank you. I like short forms, too, but there is still much I have to learn about them. ~ Regards // paul

Walter T. Ashe

Date: 5/6/2016 5:33:00 PM

I am honored to be the first to comment! As I learn more about this form I am taken by it's absolute truth and this Senryu is precisely that! I "see" this Paul!

Paul Callus
Date: 5/7/2016 8:19:00 AM

Thank you for stopping by, Walter....while beating all to the tape:) Senryu does not have to be strictly 5-7-5; if it works with less syllables, then go for it. ~ Regards // paul