Mother

so much years have gone by since you passed away, so young...alone...i was left...in darkness to sway. mother..you gave me life, precious to most, but a dream for the ones that death their body does host. i was fourteen when your weak heart stopped beating, an answer to my grief i kept day after day seeking. why? three letters that in my flesh cut so deep, in shadows, at night my anger used to creep. would i have hated you yesterday? today? tomorrow? would i have still poisoned my heart with anguish and sorrow? would i have abused of alcohol? and venom smoked? would i have fed on drugs and on ignorance chocked? at night i still feel your touch seeking love on my flesh, caressing my hands, damned by touching so much trash, yes mother, time has passed, yet who i am i still don t know. a hole in my heart..that with each second it keeps to grow. hush..i hear a voice, pulsating is this noise, demanding suffocating peace, sniffing to find glorified release. mother...would you have loved me yesterday? today? tomorrow? tears of blood..would you have cried in confiscated sorrow? as you see your daughter manipulated by lines, dirty yet virgin white? would you have held my hand, would you this battle with me fight? my head on your chest, i let the demon within me rest, thus my fading morality you test, wanting for me what is pure and best. i don t deserve your love...i bath in mud and shame, i crucified god, avenged his name, played dirty all the entire game. i m the wild beast that no one can ever tame. i feed on hate.. behind hell s gate, with a planned fate, innocent...to many i am a bait. a mask..that each day i wear, as humiliation i secretly bare, hate, love, what is really peace? with death i play and bluntly tease. no name...only eternal shame, winning? loosing a blooded game, excuses that are so lame, cascading waves of infinite blame.