Mixed Emotions

I hear by now say that thine self is fed up honey. Done, Distraught-- Finished. 5 And with everything going on, my community is fed up with me. Our pain is intertwined like an apple growing on a tree, Waiting for the right time to fall. Then I begin to think-- Have we already fallen? 10 Fallen into a deep sea of unrelieved pain, drowning from our own tears. Forced under by the whirlpool of life, that we thought would make us happy. But I am happy right? Or am I sad and angered? Maybe i’m confused and just down right tired. 15 So many emotions that I feel and can’t understand, Because their mixed, but not one. I can’t deal with all of these emotions anymore, Instead of growing up I want to grow down, And be 6 all over again. 20 In Big Mama’s house sitting at the table, Eating buttermilk biscuits, and drinking coffee the color that resembled a gloomy shadow of night. Where I had no emotions except for happiness, Hopefulness, 25 And peace of mind. But I can’t. Because time travel hasn’t been invented yet, And my emotions are still simmering just like Sunday dinner. Threatening to overflow like the oil filled in mama’s hands when getting my hair done. 30 Eventually they become a nice blended soup that I can serve to myself. Making me, My community, My family, Friends, 35 And even the world, One emotion.