Missed Me

I was-- A few shifts off the toilet And a few sheets in the wind When I staggered for the barstool That became my only friend. The buzz I had felt so fine. I didn't want to spoil it, But some ape dressed like a human Glared into my floating eyes. He said-- Whatcha lookin' at, *******!?! Well I-- Looked and saw the ceiling And the walls move round and round. So I told him I was waiting For the jukebox to flush down. His eyes crossed and he tried to Send a punch through wobbled reeling, But he missed my face and landed On the floor that did not spin. That's my story. Whadda ya mean "last call?" I'll take four shots of rum.