Misery

As I walk I see your laughing face Your words shout out to me Useless, Ugly, Worthless My cheeks glisten with tears As I kneel before the alter my legs burn The material of my clothes rubbing into my wounds My legs revealing a map My map of self mutilation I try to fight back the tears as I pray You always said crying was a weakness I ask for forgiveness, for the hurt I’m causing those I shall leave behind My heart bleeds with pain and sorrow I cannot express my unhappiness My will to live has long gone But soon my misery will come to an end I feel the weight of the gun in my backpack The night air is cold and cruel The noises are frightening, I run as fast as I can I trip and fall I see your jeering face everywhere, I taste my salty tears I want to escape before I change my mind I near home I take out pen, paper and the gun My mind is blank I start to write Dear Mommy and Daddy Try to understand My tears smudge the ink I crumple the paper frustrated, no one will understand I hold the gun in my hands I am so ashamed But at least I won’t be here to hear you gossip I’ll be gone My heart races My palms are sweaty There’s a lump in my throat The gun is loaded I raise the gun I break down crying I just can’t do it Then I see your taunting face and your words echo through me You don’t have the guts It drives me to pull the trigger Splattering my brains on the wall