Midnight Encounter

This is a true story- no names have been changed to protect the idiot........ Nb- * - a car bonnet is a hood in the United states. ** - censored. On my way back from the pub (since real ale is my passion) slowly wending my way home in a wibbly-wobbly fashion in the road sat something small- I almost passed it by, camouflaged in darkness by a cloudy moonless sky. I could tell it was a Hedgehog simply by it's silhouette, and if it didn't move real soon would get squashed flat, I'll bet. Just then a hundred yards away a pair of lights appeared heading our way at a pace exactly as I'd feared. Instinct kicked in, and out I leapt to the middle of the road waving my arms frantically as I switched to 'Hero' mode. He hit the brakes just feet away and wound his window down "get out the way, you Prat!" he yelled but I just pointed down, and said "Hedgehog!!" (which he couldn't see, his bonnet* was in the way), "Just hang on while I shift it, mate" was all that I could say. So, bending down to rescue it still sat between my feet my heart sank as I focussed in then finally missed a beat. The Hedgehog I had risked my life to save it by removing was, in fact, from off a washing machine a piece of rubber tubing. Not wishing too look foolish I just hid it with my sleeves and slowly walked off to the kerb, the car began to leave. Angrily into the air I kicked the pipe before me, a big mistake- in his rear view mirror the car driver he saw me, and hit the brakes, then jumped out yelling ( I remember, although quite plastered) "That's cruelty to an animal! Come here, you heartless person** ! In hot pursuit back up the road he came- the chase was on, I wasn't going to hang about, in seconds I was gone, vaulting over garden walls and dodging through the gates then out of breath I hid myself, till he had gone, I'd wait. Mud splattered with my trousers torn I reached home, panic over, the ordeal I'd just been through was a great way to get sober. So next time wildlife is in peril, maybe I won't hurry, I'll carry on and stagger home- let Mother Nature worry.