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“Hello, and thank you for calling Acme Products! Please listen to the following selections as our menu options changed 5 years ago and we want to make sure you have them memorized. If you need help with billing, press 1.” silence “Are you sure you don't need help with billing? We have such nice people in our billing department.” “Operator.” “No can do. The system requires entering your selections via the keypad. Please repeat your request.” G R R R R “Well, if you're sure you don't want billing, press 2 for a listing of all our latest products.” 0 0 0 0 0 0 “That is an invalid selection.” “Aaaiiieeeeeeeeeee.” "You know, you really should take a look at our newest products." N O N O N O “Please remember to listen carefully as our options changed 5 years ago. For assistance with complaints on an already-purchased item” 3 “Invalid selection. Try again. For assistance with complaints on an already” 4 “I'm sorry. Input not understood. For billing, press 1. To hear about our newest products, press 2. For customer service on existing orders, press 4.” 4 4 4 “Thank you. If you did not receive your order, press 5. If you have a complaint about your order, press 6.” I fyk djgm Acme Products. 6 “Please remember to use the keypad to enter your selections. If the complaint is about a box damaged in shipment, press 7.” silence "If you received your item but it is defective press” 8 “Please enter your name using the telephone keypad.” W I L E E X O Y O T E “Please reenter your name.” W I L E E I H A T E A C M E C O Y O T E “Customer 'I hate Acme' not found. Please try again. Please enter your name using the keypad on your phone.” W I L E E C O Y O T E “Thank you. For questions related to Acme Invisible Paint, press 9. For questions regarding the Acme Do-It-Yourself Rocket Sled Kit, press 10. For questions regarding Acme Iron Bird Seed, press” 11 “Sorry. That is not a valid entry.” K I # L L A * C M E “Sorry. That is not a valid entry.” “For questions regarding Acme Iron Bird Seed, hang up and dial 1-800-555-1212. Have a nice day and thank you for calling Acme Products. We appreciate your business.” crack crunch shatter signal lost