Match Made In Heaven

I stand naked by the mirror Looking at myself I look like ummm Something off a dusty shelf My ribs stick out You could play them like a harp And my eyes bulge out my head Like a half squeezed Chihuahua pup My legs they call them lucky They like two fighting swords I have the knack of amusing people With them I even won awards Now my wife is a total contrast She’s short, fat and round It takes me three hours to spread the fake tan But she still comes out unevenly browned Just the other day I thought She threw the duvet over me But when I opened one eye I saw it was a crusty bikini I love to watch her dressing It makes me shake at the knees I feel like grabbing a handful of ripples And give them a gentle squeeze Driving the car is a challenge Her ripples stop me changing the gear And when we walk down the street We look like a shield with a skinny spear But to her I’m her half finished pepperoni To me she’s my fluffy bread bun We always do things together I’m telling you, we have so much fun And now I would like to announce The arrival of baby number seven We may seem like the oddest couple But it’s a match made in heaven.