Married Separately

He came back to me again, only to blind me, Sweeping my peace away in a hurricane When it took so long to let myself free, Only to have it all return; a familiar pain. It was the day we took our wedding vows, He was the first to say, "I do". I became his wife, he my spouse, It was a dream come true. But it was over before it began, Words he spoke not from his heart. Loving me was not his plan, He was only playing a part. Causing my soul to turn to stone, Leaving his name engraved so deep. When after only a day, I was alone; Left alone, only to weep. An event I've waited for all my life, Not expecting to only be a pawn. Just wanting to be the "perfect wife", But in moments it was all gone. Allowing myself to never ever forget, Feeling I was a fool to his charm. What could he possibly hope to benefit From causing me so much harm? I really believed he loved me for real, But it was just a game in his eyes. Hurting me was just part of the deal, As if he were to win a big prize. So many lies, such deceit thrown in my face, Asking myself what he really felt. No words said, just leaving without a trace, Causing my whole world just to melt. I was tossed asside like I didn't matter, Thinking our years together were only a waste. All at once, like glass I began to shatter. Leaving my eyes blind, my mouth with no taste. All my senses have vanished somehow, My ears can't hear a single sound. There are no feelings left in my now, I've buried myself underground. I just wish that I could understand why, So I can settle my heart and soul, To be able to accept it; to say goodbye, So I can heal and again be whole. But until then, they'll remain these questions Going unanswered, leaving me so confussed. Knowing I've definitely learned my lesson: I was the one with everything to lose. (4/3/94)