Mama's Boy

I remember when I talked to her for the last time, well not the last time because I still talk to her she's just not here to talk back, when we spoke it was about how I was raised how the questions I need answered could only come from her for she had the facts, she told me she did her best and she hoped I would bury it all but she should of known better "as quiet as you were I knew this day would come," a different time a different place back then it was family business there was no help no # to call not like today, she told me she just wanted the best for all of us and she knows at time she made her mistakes but she never gave up us I guess that is why we live that way, then we laugh about the good times about her mom about all my brothers and sisters about how proud I made her, she said out of all the kids she never had to bit her tongue with me that me only wanting to see her happy meant the world, then when she told me about the person she sees in side of me the one I hide she said" that's my son that's the one I know you could be," she told me " to let go" that all the anger I have isn't necessary that I deserved better I deserved a life she wanted for me, I wished that day would never end I will never forget how calm she was how she knew it was her time and she welcomed it, that she did all she could how it was our turn to live she said "I'm tired I don't want to live in pain any more," she did it all with a smile it never left her face from the time that I walked into the room till I said good by and walked out the door, she died a few weeks later, I was there as I held her hand they said she wasn't aware of who was near, but as she took her last breath she squeezed my hand looked at me as to say I know your here, at the funeral a soft breeze caressed all of us and as the tears fell I smiled then whispered as I looked up the hill at a tree " I get mom I get it," she was in a better place she was happy and in no pain she was how I always wanted my mom to be I knew it, my aunt told me she never stop smiling and talking about our visit that even when she could no longer speak when she smiled she knew why, it's been over seven years and I still miss her so she still my hero, still my strength and still and will always by my side I am because she was I live for she lived and I smile for that's what she did, I am who am because mom knew the person I hid. Love you mom and thank you for teaching me to live,