Major Not Minor

So major: Not minor When things were cool Between us my dude an I we had an understanding. I mean he knew, I was down for most everything that was righteous. We had our own bond. He knew certain things I could never be convinced of. He also knew I tried to go along to get along. He also knew when I was uneasy. But this was totally a breach So Major Not minor I mean he was and is my mind so he knew my mind. He never warned me or prepared me. I mean he knew I was okay with all that; Survived all that; Came to grips with all that had happened; Coped, and had hope,struggled and Always after straying away, would find my way.! I mean before the final blow I was on my way.. Knowing that he ultimately had the last say. I mean what could I really do. I lived and I learned along the way. Who is in charge is the question? Who do I blame is the other question Why the build up, why did you allow my will, and her will to run free,then cut us down.? I mean, you knew we had nothing more than what we had Inside, Inside, where my choices were "negotiating with your Will". I got the notion that you were down with me. Even proud of me sometimes; That it was all good.! But now.. I have an attitude problem, Seems like I can’t adjust it. No one to blame but God so it seems. They say he gives and he takes away “They” also say ”be glad and rejoice in his giving” There were no instructions in the manual of life Saying “you are not allowed to be angry at God” It does not mean, I am not grateful for all he has done in the past and is still doing in the now. But that was a deal breaker That was in-explainable like the only gift I really got Was taken back. Like a friend that turns on you for no good reason. So Now: I have an attitude problem Seems like I can’t adjust it. No one to blame but God so it seems They say he gives and takes away “They” also say ” be glad and rejoice in his giving." But what do you do in his taking away.? Now I have an attitude problem, I mean, It just means I cannot help how I feel. I have an attitude problem, I mean I am restless, confused, and intolerant I feel let down, lonely and forsaken. It means I do not have any other choice I was already with him: Already loving him, It means I am afraid of what else He will allow to happen, or cause to happen. My last hope is to Keep my thoughts pure, give him the benefit of His reasoning, but this is So major Not Minor. I see a wicked world; I conclude he has come to collect his jewels. I conclude he is taking away the Good ones. I conclude that something worse than sudden death is coming!. And I should not have an attitude, but continuous gratitude because His plan is not my plan; I Now must depend on him as he knows the future, He knows who he wants to spare. I surrender, I do not want to be angry, And I do not want to be left behind; Unless Someone needs me to be here I surrender, I promise you just now.. My attitude just left, peace came over me I mean God is my Dude, He gave me that divine insight back again. That peace that passes all understanding. I am cool now, God is my friend and my Protector. Whispers: "Store up for the Ever-After- Not to sweat this minor existence, reminding me. That this knowledge is So Major and this earthly life is so Minor..