Lost Soul

I was lost. For years I was in my own world, off doing my own thing, didn't want to be saved, never mentioned his name. I was lost. Walked around with no guidance. Made it out of some things because my steps were still guided. And I know, the last thing you wanna hear is a poem bout Jesus, but I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't believe it. Religion and tradition is misguided and overrated. It's the way I live, and my walk with him that's the proof that I made it. I was lost. The person you see is not who I was, I was far gone, sin is a heck of a drug. For years I dripped with guilt. Quick to condemn myself because of the life that I lived. Broke laws and lived wild, smoked weed and popped bottles, nearly every night. Would drown myself in darkness, always running from the light. I was lost. Started closing my heart. But would bust it open for the wrong reasons and a low life. But it's not about the politics. The past mistakes or what ifs. I wanted the freedom, he gave me a taste. Came back years later, "look at the mess that I made" But it was what I'd wanted, so I couldn't complain. I was lost. My mind had me thinking I had fallen from grace. I had no fight in me, tried to self medicate. I look at all the things I've done and wonder how he could forgive. Like all the times I gave up on him, and didn't want to live. Never learned to love myself until he loved me at my darkest. He stuck around when I couldn't shine, and my attitude was cloudy. Despite all that I'd done I was never forsaken. Even when I left him, he stayed with me daily. He was the one who plucked me from the ocean, while people stood on the beach not seeing me drowning. But his grace is sufficient. He says I'm forgiven, that he loves me, and he means it. I was lost. But look at me now. All you see is my past, all he sees is my crown. My soul's been restored and he's fixing what's broken, I could have been dead do you see why I owe him? Life for a life but the payout is worth it. The payout is worth it. I was lost. Feels good to be back.