Lonely Parent

I never knew a child like this would be possible. It felt like I was the only person in the world that to her was not hostile. She would stare so listlessly… And I was devastated as I couldn’t rock her incessantly. But the doctors from that time said she was normal- I just wish she could speak her turmoil. A child that hoards all this pain she can’t understand. And even though she learned to stand- She will always be regressing into herself as she is too old to hold my hand. It is as if, with age, she gathers more to withstand. And our connection becomes more apparent- I am still a lost and lonely parent.