Lonely Loner

Funny I'm a loner yet hate being alone, maybe I'm terrified of developing a bond just for in a brief second it to be gone as my whole life i've been alone. The one time i got attached and made her heart my home... she'd depart and it felt as if i lost everything i'd ever known the night she decided to roam... More scared of that than the tower with the highest height, scared to be outgrown as my heart shed just devour or turn to stone, in turn to new relations i cower and say in short "I love to be alone" I enjoy solitude dont get me wrong but sometimes being alone is a bit excessive and for human relations i long; but nothing worse than the frustration of not relating to them, probably where the desire for solitude stems You ever felt alone whilst being surrounded by friends? Thats far more lonely so i tend to cancel plans never been outgoing could you see through my tinted lens? maybe if you squinted and if not then just pretend I attempt to paint this image in hopes you'd see from where i descend and why crowded rooms i leave as my time i'd rather not lend. They view it as if i think they're infested with some sort of disease and my immune system i defend If thinking that'll put you at ease but reality is i dont mesh or blend and if i do then when you leave the more i grieve and to my heart you wont tend... as a result back to being alone with an aching chest id (L)only have to mend. [Thanks for reading]