Lonely

Lonely is sleeping in a cold bed. Lonely is sleeping in that same cold bed with the ghosts of the memory of the one who used to keep that bed warm. Lonely is having everyone's phone number and everyone having yours but still no one ever calls you. Lonely is celebrating everyone's birthday and when yours comes around no one remembers it. Lonely is when the muscles in your mouth ache when you try to smile because they haven't been used for that reason in a long time. Lonely is trying to figure out what to wear to look nice all the while knowing that there will be no one to notice. Lonely is being denied the chance at love just because of who you are, the one thing you can't change. Lonely is knowingly letting someone use you just because it is the only attention anyone is giving you. Lonely is jealously crying while watching Flavor Flav get three opportunities with over 30 women to fall in love. Lonely is waking up to the same smoothed out side of the bed every morning. Lonely is finding comfort in food or drugs because they will never go away. Lonely is clutching your pillow at night just to have something to hold. Lonely is knowing that the one you have feelings for would be better off with you than the loser they are with now. Lonely is having all the self worth in the world and finding no one to recognize it. Lonely gets me but I don't get lonely. Sitting around ashamed was the old me. Now I live for me, the most important reason. To betray myself would be the ultimate act of treason. Now I see that I was never lonely just a little misguided. The one clear path to happiness suddenly became divided. But I must make a new trail and please believe that I will blaze it. And this time lonely will not follow because happiness has replaced it.