Loneliness

Feel so unwanted and unloved like a lonely soul left in this God forsaken world a lone star waiting to burn out to die away and fade unnoticed life is not fair and this loneliness is killing me , might things get much worse before they get better. this silence is good enough to meditate but not good enough to live in. slowly death creeps up upon me eating me away quietly and into my dreams it penetrates. No where left to hide no where to run just a small grave and my list of deeds. How am I to react as they spill the beans. My soul is getting eaten away and the devil shows no remorse. God watches silently having power over everything but His will seems harsh. Why must i enter oblivion falling down the endless pit. Flames do not harm me but an empty hell is sad. More faces must enter and more will be seen , quietly i die , dreaming in my sleep. I open my eyes and im in heaven, beautiful gardens and all my desires surround me but Heaven is empty. Not a single soul has reached paradise just me and my thoughts. i scream and shout and cry for help for someone to reply but it is all quiet just birds and animals are my companions. No God no angels just Adam all alone in his solitude. I feel God and His time before creation. Nothing but a lonely God. And then I feel Adam all alone in the garden without an Eve. I wake up in my bed still Lonely.