Loneliness

Don't ask me how I got this far I do not really know How once you left my heart was gone Did you hear it just explode? My chest was left a sunken place No heart to fill the void All my senses numbed and drained My world at once destroyed. Sensations felt of emptiness where once a heart had dwelled A body left feelingless All precious breath expelled. The world at once an empty place Where once it stood a bustle My now tortured heart and brain In unending tussle. I shall not know what next comes In this one lifetime I do know that without your love My heart has met demise.

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Robert Pettit

Date: 11/5/2013 1:08:00 AM

You have described the average broken heart fairly well with this writing. Just a couple of suggestions: Your title is misspelled. It should be "Loneliness". Also, try to avoid excessive repetition in your lines. You have used "It left" too many times here.

David Brown
Date: 11/5/2013 7:48:00 AM

Thanks for the critique Robert! I have made changes, feel free to comment.