Loneiness In My Life

Before my mom left.I told myself. I would never love again.I will only love myself and fight for myself. I felt like I didn't exist. People was scared of me..They called me a freak. Tears down my eyes everyday. My head down.Anger in my life was shadowing over me. It felt like anger was taking over me. Loneiness got the best of me. Nobody didn't understand me..I sit in the corner and be quiet. watching all the kids play..nobody didn't want too play.. I say too god everynight,why did you bring me here.. I hate this ludacriss world..why did you bring me here. All they do is care for themselves..not me.Images as a kid crying,I ask myself what am I.Am I a monster. What is pain and what is it like... what does it mean too have tears in your eyes. I don't understand,I acidently prick my finger. a dot of blood comes out. I look at my finger.blood,humm. I smile,pain,pain sucks? I said too god I want too leave this hateful world. I walk the path of a strae..Why should I listen too people.I feel like they just plain hate me. my heart was broken. Its no easy for kids with seziures too live in this world. It feels like your losing everything. I thought in my mind my mom was a shame of me and hated me. thats why she left,I was so mad when I grew up, I said I'm going too get respect from all of you.. And people who destroyed my dreams, I see mirrors everday..I see diffrent of me in the mirrors. all of them of me sad and when I was little crying.. I say,is this me..my eyes turn into tears.. Pain,why am I in soo much pain..I break the mirrors and tears come down off my face. I remember the words in my mind,I would never love again.I would only love myself and fight for myself. I smile to myself.... loneiness,is just words too me...should I walk away from my loneiness? Day to day..A piece of my soul disappears away from me. I know I can't walk away from my loneiness.. Its so hard too walk away form it.Its apart of me. I'm going crazy...why did you have too do this to me mom.. I wish you didn't do this too me. Its nice for me too smile,but I can't... But my words couldn't see its way through...and a heart beat couldn't make it through.