Like a Bad Dream

That keeps repeating over and over again For twenty two years your face is all I have seen did medication and therapy for all the emotional swings but nothing helped me Because all the anger and rage is still trapped up inside of me After seven trips to the emergency room followed by acid reflux and IBS A year of living in an abandoned building A herniated disk and a torn ligament A couple of suicide attempts but god wouldn?t take me I tried dating other women but it was never the same it was her smile her kiss and the way she held me tame I have flashbacks of the way things used to be in 83 We were fresh out of high school Teenage lovers with the world in front of us Riding in my camaro going to the malls I?d hold the door for her and she?d always hug me Seemed like the perfect medicine for a sensitive guy She was petite and sweet with a busty disposition Always ready to satisfy my needs with oral satisfaction We were devoted to one another there was no denying that We talked about having children and what their names would be After four years of being together I took out little money to dedicate my love Bought a diamond ring with begets then got on one knee We looked for halls and listened to wedding plans But reality quickly set in as to the cost of our union A year went by and the pressure started to build Everyone wanted a party to celebrate our rite so engagment was held at Columbus nights but our relatives didn?t get a long and ruined our song I broke up with you cause? I was so confused you said my personality changed and I became enraged You said I scared you and I was no longer the same it was the phone call and background yelling that got me infused I could hear everyone trying to persuaded you said I wasn?t for you They all wanted their say and one by one they took the phone From your mother to your sister to the new guy your were dating Then I could hear it in your voice as you buckled under pressure You decided to satisfied their needs instead of following your heart I keep hearing you say to me if you love me let me go Like an emotional game of Russian roulette I will never forget the decision you made as we hung up the phone Like a wolf?s wailing cry that could be heard far and wide Howling into the wind after losing its mate its mind filled with despair Its eyes filled with blood of seething pain All I really wanted to do was lay down and die from the void deep inside