Lifeless

i hate me for being here lost and empty, sacrificing myself bitter and twisted, so lonely i want to take part in love and energy, pleasantly graceful a female sovereign, if only i am not devoted to life hated and beaten, losing myself wasting and falling, i'm seething mind of disruption cruel and shadowed, arid desert choking and dying, still grieving my thoughts are unpleasant pity and sorrow gradually fading crippled and jaded, so unwilling my mind is just ashes buried and bleeding, i am cursed past and present, so chilling please let me go leave and expel, forcing myself rejecting all that is real rewind to nicer things when and where?, no memory lifeless, i cannot feel