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Life or Death

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Below is the poem entitled Life or Death which was written by poet Colleen Bono. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Life or Death

As long as I can remember,which is about 40yrs,
I have always felt different.I have a different
outlook on how life should be.People think that
I use my mental illness as an excuse for the things
I do or how I think.I can only wish it was an excuse.
I will do anything to not have to live like I do now.
Anything includes leaving the physical world to
search for final peace,what ever that might be.I
have yet to find anything I enjoy or makes me
happy.I have lost a lot of important people that
I needed to succeed.I have lost my way and unsure
if I can find my way back.I don't trust anyone including
myself.I don't know how to express myself in the right
way so I don't get the help I need.Suicide is in my
thoughts daily.At times it consumes me.It has become
the poems I write,the music I listen to,the paper's I
read.It's everywhere.I am having dreams about driving
off a cliff only to awake just before.I don't feel like my
life is meant to be.Every road I follow leads me to a dead
end.I am only a burden.I love my kids and grandchildren
but feel I am holding them back.I do know how it feels
to lose your parents but if I stay around it will make it
harder for everyday life.It's not fair to anyone to go
through everyday being miserable.We all die someday.
I think it would be unique to die on your birthday.Mine
is coming up.I know that no one will believe it was an
accident and I am sorry.I know deep in my heart it is
better this way.Everyone tells me they just want me to
be happy.I can't seem to find happiness here.

                 Now I must make a final decision,
                                Life or Death.
                                May 16,2013


Copyright © Colleen Bono

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  1. Date: 5/26/2015 6:18:00 PM
    so deep

  1. Date: 11/21/2013 10:23:00 AM
    This is sad Colleen, maybe you are not looking deep enough....... This is going to my Faves.... Never have i read a poem with so much despair. SKAT

  1. Date: 7/11/2013 10:32:00 PM
    Colleen, .. Congratulations, in the MELTDOWN contest... take care-- always~ Linda

  1. Date: 7/10/2013 7:02:00 PM
    Wow! Colleen, this is a melt down of another sort, and you really did an awesome job with it. Congratulations on your win in Anthony's contest. Hugs, Catie :)

  1. Date: 7/9/2013 10:18:00 AM
    Colleen I'm happy you placed for a win. You've conveyed so many emotions, mental illness is as painful as physical pain. Reach out please for some one that can help. Hugs and best wishes, Connie

  1. Date: 7/3/2013 4:02:00 PM
    Sad, but beautiful written poem Colleen. I can relate to the pressures of life. Keep hope alive, your talent is special. My name is Jiril Clemons. Check out my poems, might find one you like, specifically the one called "One Sign Will Suffice". Peace!

  1. Date: 6/20/2013 6:29:00 AM
    Coleen, I can feel the sweetness in your soul. I am not one to push religion onto anyone.... I can only relate what I feel. I cannot speak for God. What is, or is not between you and God is not for me to say. I know only that I am the authority on me and God... No one else can speak to that relationship. Just remember... You are loved by an awesome power greater than anything here on earth. Talk to Him... He will respond and walk with you through all tribulation... and.... Just know I love you.

  1. Date: 6/16/2013 11:34:00 AM
    This is just so sad, Colleen. Do you have anyonein your life to talk to? I remember when my hubbie was worse than now (with suicide thoughts) and he had to find a network of people to talk to, people who were feeling the same as he. I know your feelings are real and I pray you can find people who can help you because truly, there has to be some way for you to feel better. I will keep you in my prayers. Luv, Andrea (choose life, dear.)

  1. Date: 6/15/2013 7:03:00 PM
    Thanks for all the visits..Sara

  1. Date: 6/12/2013 3:38:00 PM
    I dedicate my poem " The Rose" to you Colleen.

  1. Date: 6/8/2013 6:12:00 PM
    Happy Birthday Collen. They say Life begins at Forty, I hope this chapter results in all your dreams finally being realized. Hugs Rick.

  1. Date: 6/8/2013 2:57:00 PM

  1. Date: 6/2/2013 11:12:00 PM
    Dear Colleen. Such a pretty name. It should belong to a happy person. You have lived long enough to be a grandma and you should find your joy in them. This poetry corner may not be the source to find help as there seem to be so many depressed people that they may drag you down more. I love this world that God has given me and I won't leave a minute before I have to. If you would like to talk to me on soup mail, I would be glad to listen. Love, Joyce

  1. Date: 6/2/2013 5:08:00 PM
    Tex is for Texas... LOl,,, I'm from Texas ..I'm finally changing my name

  1. Date: 6/2/2013 10:05:00 AM
    Colleen,Here is a little something that may help lift your spirits.You are the first comment I have ever received. Know that you were very inspirational in me joining Poetrysoup I hope you decide to pick Life so you can help me grow in writing Poetry. Now that I'm on sight I will try to call HG, HG and not Chef I may forget a couple of times, but I wish you would remind me if I do say Chef.I don't think he will be commenting for a couple more weeks. I'm sending you a soup mail with more info

  1. Date: 6/1/2013 9:15:00 PM
    wow... Colleen, I am honored on the compliment... i changed my picture to the Girl Avatar from the movie Avatar''' i'm in such a mood.. i can't explain... I'm always happy to hear from you... always~ Linda

  1. Date: 5/31/2013 9:55:00 PM
    Hi Collen, I hope your mood is improving. Because of your comment I have written three for today. I hope you enjoy. Good night, hugs Rick

  1. Date: 5/31/2013 10:28:00 AM
    Two years before April died she told me that she wouldn't live over two years . I knew the reasons why .that was my sacrifice to God . My torment lasted and still goes on . I want to go and be with her . But I can't pass this pain to my mother sisters or God who is counting on me .how are you going to quit being a mom . Your reward will be greater because you endured so much . After I felt just like you for three years .I asked God to take him away . He did .today I mourn but I'm not depressed .

    Loving III Avatar John Loving III
    Date: 5/31/2013 10:33:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    After my divorce
  1. Date: 5/30/2013 9:17:00 AM
    Good morning Colleen, so far so good... I wish you lived in driving distance to me.. That way I could share something strange with you... I had been depressed for the last 2 weeks almost.... hopefully God, will forgive me for the my wrongful thoughts... I wake up asking him for forgiveness, and sleep asking for forgiveness... life just isn't right.. but, today i woke up with a new relief.. I didn't get it the right way :-( :-( it was nice hearing from you this morning... xox~ Linda

  1. Date: 5/25/2013 8:21:00 PM
    soup mail