Lets Go Skiing

Let’s go skiing ! Said my wife It gives you such a thrill So off we flew to Canada To face the bitter chill We took a bus from Calgary To Banff’s National park Found our hotel, went to bed To get up with the lark I brought a bright red jacket My mate Stuart let me borrow I thought at least I’ll look the part When I hit the slopes tomorrow…. In the bright blue morning I went to hire some skis And boots that felt like concrete I could hardly bend my knees The minibus dropped us off By a mud stained snowy drift My wife said “ I’ll get the passes” Just go meet me by the lift “ A group of red faced skiers Were gathering in a throng To sit on a revolving seat That didn’t stop to let you on. “I cannot get on that” I said As I stared in disbelief With slats of wood upon my feet I knew I’d come to grief “Come on Mike” my dear wife said, You’ll be fine once you get on So I stood as was directed Then “whoosh” and I was gone Hands gripped round the safety bar As we rocked on metal ropes Thinking “how will I get off this thing When we reach the nursery slopes ? “ The chair in front began to slow I heard their bar go “clunk” They deftly skied away with ease While I prepared to flunk I ejected from my seat To a ramp of icy snow I soon was sliding on my back With both legs akimbo. Sailing down the green runs My instructor in a strop Kept telling me to slow down But I didn’t know how to stop I saw some awesome sights I learnt the “pizza” wedge I heard a muffled scream When a friend slid of the edge I lasted just three days Till we skied toward lake Louise I handed in my ski poles When I couldn’t feel my knees Time to sample “Apres Ski” In my warm, hotel retreat Dipping bread in fondue Was much more up my street While My wife “carved the powder” Meandering with such skill, I rubbed ointment on my kneecaps And took a pain reducing pill. I would not trade these memories I will treasure them for life I am not built to be a skier But thank you my dear wife !