Just Venting

As heart felt feelings build, I still have that numbing pain that tears at me constantly. Thoughts touch my mind and time after time I’ve tried to dream of something better something that could build me up more than just tearing me down when I look into the eyes of others that doesn’t share my understanding. What are they looking for? What is it that they want from me? To push maybe just to see how far I’m willing to just let go. That’s not me; I’m not bottled up like a lost letter that’s been floating on top of the ocean, to be passed by like lost trash. I’m more, from the core of my soul and the bottom of my heart. I’m me, no matter who you thought I was or who your wanting me to be. I am that built up oppression that’s been left alone for years. I am that explosion that can’t be controlled. I’ve been left alone and let down for reason I still don’t understand today, but I’m here. I’ve cried for them, feelings topping the atmosphere like smog. Just isn’t natural, I’m feeling differently about things, their mixed up emotions. They cry then laugh at the same time. I’m not demanding anything from anyone. Love, compassion, or the simple material things that seem to control banishing conflict of others. I’m not that angry kid that once hated the world. I’ve changed but still lack the perfection that I feel I’m missing. What is perfection? I’m a silent private soul that that speaks out loud through my poetry no one will ever be able to judge me. No one. Feel what you feel, walk away if you have to without looking back because when you do its right there. The reality, the truth about yourself you can never hide. No matter how deep inside you try to push them down. Its like trapped air or that painful gas, it does come to the top.