I'Ve Learned Not Nearly Enough

What I know and what I fiercely hope for Can collide with force like the force of a door– A door slamming shut with a sound so loud, Waking me up when my head’s in the clouds. I’ve had time to think and time to reflect To ponder invalid assumptions and their ill effects I’m through with expectations, I’m through with false hope I’m through with clinging to a weak faulty rope. I’ve learned that the more I self-deny, then the deeper I sink Until emotions cloud my ability to properly think But then that threshold moment occurs, when it all just snaps And I’m suddenly awake from reality’s cold slap. I’ve learned that promise without immediate action Is like an unwanted, unsuccessful chemical reaction It impacts, makes something– But not worth my while It causes annoyance and the absence of any smile. I’ve learned that the way you feel About how you think others feel about you Affects your own interacting behavior To the extent you no longer have a clue, Who and what is really you. I’ve learned that what I look at and what I keep in my sight Is what really matters at the end of the night Am I keeping my eyes on the goal without looking at the ball? In ignoring the means, am I preparing for a downfall? I’ve learned that focusing purely on the means While faithfully leaving the outcome to Him Creates a feeling of sweet serenity within And somehow, some way, yet always always He causes the best outcome at the end of the day. I’ve learned that my dreams Don’t always tell me what I need Sometimes they merely reflect What I already want with greed And when that mindset of mine dissolves So do the figures in my dreams evolve. I’ve learned that despite what I know And what I keep poetically rhyming about Reminders are needed, Foremost to myself, Without a doubt. Above all, I’ve learned that No matter how much I learn Of this really important stuff I’ll never get to the point Of learning nearly enough.