It's Never Too Soon To Start a Diet

I’ve seen the never-ending ads touting ‘new’ solutions for losing weight - without a grueling workout plan - for years... But after trying several - at a sizable expense...I still look like a hippo when surrounded by my peers! And - guessing if I concentrated really, really hard, a pound or two might disappear by trying...‘mind-over-matter’ - I went, for months, to a big time shrink...but 60 sessions later...all I’d lost was a ton o’ dough, and had actually gotten fatter! I’d love to snag some - ‘get-thin-quick’ - exaggerating guru, walkin’ around in public on some sunny afternoon, And feed that liyn’ sack-o’-poop a pile o’ what they spiel - way down low, where the sun don’t shine...with a great big jagged spoon! It needs to HURT! I HATE those guys - their promises are ‘BULL’! And I’m no way the only fool they’ve conned for major bread. A friend of mine in Tuscon tried a few techniques too many, and, by the time she’d dropped 10 pounds...the gal was all but dead! I called my lawyer yesterday and asked him right straight out, “Suppose some fella lies to you...a person you don’t know… And sells you something worthless for a fair amount of money...can you legally kill the guy? Please don’t tell me no!” As I’d feared, he warned me, “Mark...there is no ‘legal’ way to take another person’s life to simply - get revenge! Try ‘reverse psychology,’” he quipped...“it sorta works for me! I diet for a day or two, then...have myself a ‘binge’! “Around, I’d say, a year ago,” he added, “just like you...tired of being fat, I tried some ways I’d found online... But after wasting tons of time and cash I fin’ly learned - the fault, in fact, for failing was, in every instance - mine! “What I’d needed wasn’t what those charlatans were spewing! While every day I all but starved, the only things that shrank Were: my determination to adhere to their demands...my self esteem...and - most of all - my savings at the bank! One way or the other I was going to find a way to lose enough to leave me looking fit and super thin. The problem was I’d lost my trust in all my friends’ suggestions, so I, of course, was, as things stood, reluctant to begin. All I lacked was confidence that...if I’d buckle down - and really watch the you-know-whats - I’d lose some serious weight, But having now determined what I’m positive will work...the only tricky thing I’ve yet to do is - set the date!