It's Never Gonna Happen, Mark

“You’re angling, Mark,” my wife complained, “something you’re not good at! I can smell your sleazy ploys before you’re halfway through! It’s never going to work, of course...you might as well give up... ‘Cause you’d be safe to bet your life, no matter what you do, “I will not be giving in! You’ll never own a Harley! You’ve dented up - or totaled out - every car we’ve owned, And if you think that schmoozing me will get you what you want, You’ve either gone delusional --- are drunk as hell --- or stoned! “You obviously haven’t noticed that your driving’s gotten worse... Something I had bet my life I’d never live to see! Riding in a car with you is close to suicidal, And I’d revoke your license if the choice were up to me! “Harley’s are for younger guys than you, and those with brains Sharp enough to understand that riding on two wheels Takes a little forethought, and is different from a car, So you and I - believe me - won’t be making any ‘deals’! “Taking me to dinner is a favorite ruse of yours, Thinking that your doing so will win you brownie points, But juicy steaks and classy drinks will never pave the way For you to ride a Harley to a bunch of biker joints! “So waste your breath and money all you like...the fact remains, After you’re done begging, and your tongue has finished flappin’, Nothing you can say or do is gonna change my mind, ‘Cause, like I said, you whiny turd --- it’s never gonna happen!"