Is It Hard

I understand. I'm sorry I make it so hard to love me. I know I make mistakes but what would it take for just to kiss and hug me? Don't remember the last time you said that you love me. I think its because were to busy arguing. You cut me deep sometimes but I hold the pain. But I know and I hope you don't mean what you say. Sometimes I wanna run away but what would that solve. I asked god for help but I think he missed my call. And I keep blowing it up so I can get an appointment. So you won't have to always look at me with disgust and disappointment. When really I just wanna make you smile and make you proud. With happy tears in your eyes and say Landon I love you out loud. Sometimes I think you'd be better if I wasn't living. But I also feel like I shouldn't give in. I know its hard right now but something may change and get better. I'll work hard for that smile and change for the better. But I just wanna ask you is that hard to love me? I know I mess up but what would it take for you to kiss and hug me?