Intoxicating

it's suffocating always waiting for the bad and pretty damn humiliating when you've ruined every chance you've ever had. Manipulating every choice i make day to day complicating any relationship that comes my way. emulating what i want in a man keeping me wrapped up in you for as long as you can. its weight off my back not having to make up for your slack and freeing to know that i have time to grow. living life for myself is a kind of exposure that i haven't held onto because i couldn't find closure. scared to go back because i always find hurt but my heart has kind of been lost under the dirt. dehydrated always searching for water trying to make a life for me and my daughter tugged apart by what's right and what my heart wants never succeeding to realize when you put up your front. taking in cold air waiting for life to come to me knowing deep down whatever is meant to be, will be.